Dear John Travolta:

Your Oscar "hair" was better than the "hair" we saw you with last Christmas with Olivia Newton-John and the whole spray-painted-cue-ball thing.

You know that we know you have fake hair, right? And that we now call your look "John Travolta hair"?

We'd like you more if you just admitted you're going bald. The boys might like you better too (allegedly).

Love,

Cranky