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Cranky Beauty Pants: Oscars 2011 Beauty


While the actual show was surprisingly boring, the 2011 Oscars' red carpet didn’t provide a ton of fodder for this columnist. No one arrived in an egg, so that’s a step up from the Grammys. But no one decided to rock makeup or hair seen only on an haute couture runway either. So we’ll make do…


Reese Witherspoon: did anyone else think that was pageant hair? Imagine for a moment you were inspired by her giant-phonytail look and decided to wear it to work today.


There was lots of lovely free and loose hair – from Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence, for example, but then there was repeat offender Florence Welch. What happened there? Again? Did the TSA seize her hairbrush? Does anyone know if you can buy a hairbrush in LA if you lose yours? Because it seems like she can't.


Speaking of Jennifer Lawrence, can’t fault her beauty but she did say to Ryan Seacrest “I’ve been off squirrel ever since” re: her role in Winter’s Bone. You have to admire anyone throwing out one-liners like that on the Oscars' Red Carpet. Seacrest didn’t/couldn't (?) react.


While one winner remarked that he should have had a haircut, I think Matt McConaughey should have taken a shower before leaving the house; he looked positively greasy, even for him.


What Christian Bale took off the back of his head seems to have found its way into the ever-growing beard. Perhaps his next role is going to be a live action version of "Family Guy?"


Oprah looked a little bit shiny – not just her dress. Was it the pressure of being on TV? I know she’s not used to that. Maybe she had to put on her own shoes.


“The Eagle” (foundation lighter than body) now has a cousin. We’ll call it “The Penguin.” That’s when your foundation is darker than your body, Jennifer Hudson.


Speaking of birds, I believe a family of birds may live in Helena Bonham Carter’s hair.


Final thought, before the the inevitable story about how much Janine loves Michelle Williams’ makeup and brows. Did Marisa Tomei's face move strangely? In a "filled-with-filler" kind of way?

Images borrowed from's extensive Oscars red-carpet photo coverage.