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F is for Fella: What Kind of Modern Man are You? Find Out Via this Quiz.

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I've been wanting to talk about dude-stuff for ages; this seems like a kinda fun way to start.

Women have beauty personalities that range from “The Works” to “Natural” to “Can’t Be Bothered” to “Bewildered,” with a host of nuanced classifications in between. Unsurprisingly, men, although relatively new to the intense, look-good pressures women have lived with for centuries, have developed grooming personalities of their own.

Gillette surveyed 18,000 men from 18 countries, including Austria, Canada, Denmark, Finland, France, Greece, Italy, Netherlands, Northern Ireland, Norway, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, the UK and the USA, to find out how men view grooming and style relative to success. The results, released in a document called “Success and the Modern Man,” suggest there are five distinct grooming personalities. Play this shorter-than-it-looks game to see where you or your partner fits.

1. How important is a man’s appearance in relation to his level of success?
a) Crucial. Flawless up-to-the-minute style makes the man.
b) Important. A healthy, rested, well-groomed appearance underscores success.
c) Incidental. Sure it’s a good idea to look professional, but doing a good job and knowing you’re successful is more important than looking the part.
d) Unimportant. Getting the job done is enough; who cares what you look like?
e) Don’t know. Successful people are just naturally good at what they do and naturally look the part.

2. Facial hair: thumbs up or thumbs down?
a) Thumbs up, but only if it’s precisely sculpted and looks sharp. Chin beards, goatees, a little cool stubble and perfect sideburns are hallmarks of good style.
b) Thumbs down. A clean-shaven face is essential to looking professional and subtly younger.
c) Thumbs down. It’s too much effort to keep a beard looking good. By the way, you look like a goof with that Hollywood stubble.
d) Thumbs up, thumbs down — do what you want.
e) Don’t know. Sometimes it’s good. I think I got it right. Does it look okay? Do you think I should shave it off?

3. If we look in your bathroom, what will we find?
a) You can look, but you can’t touch. That multi-blade vibrating razor, ultra-hydrating shave oil, invigorating cleanser, enzyme scrub, smoothing toner, hydrating serum, gradual-tan moisturizer with SPF 15, tooth whitener, whitening mouth rinse, coated floss, pH-balanced shampoo, lightweight conditioner and designer deodorant and cologne all cost more than you make in a year. Say what? You don’t use concealer? Mistake, bro.
b) A multi-blade razor, soothing shave cream, refreshing toner, anti-aging moisturizer, toothpaste, floss, extra-strength mouthwash, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant and cologne.
c) An electric shaver, toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, gel.
d) Toothpaste, soap. Naw man, I don’t know what any of that other stuff is. My ex-girlfriends gave it to me like years ago. Want it?
e) I don’t know. Soap. Oh right, I keep forgetting to get a new deodorant. Toothpaste? I guess so. No dude, I don’t know what that stuff is. Well, I tried it once, but it didn’t work.

4. What’s the most important aspect of your appearance as a successful man?
a) Good hair. And a good complexion. And you have to look sharp — you need high-end designer labels, at least.
b) Look groomed, but not flashy. And smell good.
c) A good shower. If you’re getting married, a professional shave would be cool. Maybe some gel.
d) It doesn’t matter.
e) Don’t know.

5. What’s your dream job?
a) hot, hip, pursued-by-paparazzi magnate with an infinite bank account, homes all over the world and unlimited merchandising deals for gotta-have-it tech.
b) high-powered CEO of a respected, influential company that is appreciated for its forward thinking and reliable output
c) a great job in a position of authority at a company known for its solid responsibility to its workforce, to charitable works and to the environment.
d) a good job with good benefits and a paycheque that covers the family bills with enough left over for a healthy amount of fun and relaxation
e) any job that helps pay the rent and beers — hey, you hear of anything, can you tell me?


So, in Gillette's terms, what kind of Modern Man are you?

Mostly (a): you’re a Front Runner.
You’re under 35, good-looking, fashion forward and driven to success. Good hair, grooming and style are non-negotiables. You’ll find other Front Runners mostly in Portugal, Greece and the US, but not so many in Sweden, Norway, France or Belgium. You have many like-minded friends in Canada – with them, you're second in the Canadian grooming-and-success rankings.

Mostly (b): you’re a Modern Traditional.
Likely in your late 40s, you’ve achieved great success but don’t feel the need to broadcast it. Quietly confident, you wear success well, with an understated but well-maintained appearance that belies your age and sets you apart from the average crowd. Italy, Portugal and Greece are home to most men like you; Sweden, the US, the UK and Canada really need more of you. In fact, in Canadian statistics, you are the least present of the five types of modern men.

Mostly (c): you’re a Relaxed Master.
Probably under 35, you’re confident in your achievements, comfortable with looking presentable, and feel no need to soup (supe?) it up with fancy skincare and designer duds. Who you are and who you help is more important than how you look. Men like you seem to thrive in Norway, Denmark, Ireland and the UK, but you’re hard to find in Finland, Italy and Greece. You’re the most easily found modern man in Canada.

Mostly (d): you’re a Contented Mister.
You don’t care how anyone else defines success or achievement, you like your job, your family and your friends. Going with the flow is better than scurrying through the rat race. And if people are going to judge you on how you look, you don’t need those people. You have better things to do and think about than all that hair and skin gunk. France, German and Belgium are home to the largest percentages of Contented Misters, but Portugal, Greece and the US, not so much. Not so much in Canada either; you’ve only just edged out the Modern Traditionals as the fourth-most represented out of the five types.

Mostly (e): you’re a Hopeless Hopeful, we’re sorry to say.
You struggle with self esteem and seem to believe that successful people were just born luckier than you. Unfortunately you’re no stranger to the word “loser,” and don’t understand that life is a choose-your-own-adventure opportunity. Consequently you’ve given up on how you present yourself (and how it sometimes impacts people who are sitting next to you on public transportation), which further undermines your feelings of self-worth. If you could feel at home anywhere, it should be Sweden, Finland, the UK and the US, where lots like you live; you’d feel even more isolated in Porgual, Austria and Ireland, though. In Canada you’re the third-most represented group, which means we should be able to find you and help you with a morale-boosting makeover show and a reminder that many of the most successful people sometimes feel about themselves the way you do about yourself -- so snap out of it!

Whichever Modern Man you are, you like free stuff -- you're human. So click here to find out how to get free samples. Especially you, Hopeless Hopefuls. You need to get on the Hopeful side of that label. Now.

Photo courtesy of Stuart Swing. He is not a Hopeless Hopeful.


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