Cranky Beauty Pants: Sarah Jessica Parker Gets High, High, High

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Cranky B. Pants
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SJP big hair

Sarah Jessica Parker attended the Robin Hood Foundation Gala in New York on Monday with this look. What makes it really great is that it's totally achievable at home.

If you were a girl in the ’80s or even the early ’90s (small towns only), you used to do your bangs like this. So you could probably get your whole head to look this way now that you've grown out your bangs. If you weren't a girl in the late ’80s/early ’90s, someone you know probably was, and is willing to give you the step-by-step on creating this ’do yourself.

I'm someone you know. Here are the steps:

1)  Run, don't walk, to your local drugstore to purchase at least two cans of industrial-strength hairspray. Anything eco-friendly and/or non-aerosol is not an option. Pump action cannot help you here. Before hitting the checkout, pick up the mixed bag of combs. You're going to need a selection.

2)  Clean out your closet only to the point where you find your hot rollers. In the harsh light of day, be surprised by how much hairspray is caked on them. Then be surprised about how much stuff you have in your closet.

3)  Shove all your other stuff back in the closet, and plug in hot rollers.

4)  Wait.

5)  Section hair and spray the crap out of each length before wrapping it around a roller. When all rollers are in, apply more spray.

6)  Sit around and wait for your hot rollers to do their job. Apply more hair spray. Start on your SJP-inspired "paleface" makeup.

7)  Remove rollers and bust out that bag o' combs.

8)  Back comb as if your life actually depends upon it. Discard each comb as it breaks.

9)  Back comb as if your life actually depends upon it. Discard each comb as it breaks. If one gets stuck, don't worry about it. No one will see it.

10)  Apply final protective-helmet coat of hair spray.

If you try this at home, please, please email us some photos.